Friendships in Adulthood: Why Genuine Connections Are So Hard to Find

When I was younger, I thought friendships would always be easy — almost automatic. You sit next to someone in class, you laugh at the same joke, and suddenly you're best friends.

But as an adult, especially now in my 50s, I've learned that finding honest, fun, true friendships can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. There are so many complications out there.

Too often, people seem more interested in what they can get from a friendship, rather than what they can give. We live in a society that has grown selfish, self-absorbed, and busy beyond measure. Even places where you expect warmth and connection — like church — can leave you feeling like an outsider looking in. I've walked into churches with a heart open wide, only to leave feeling more empty than when I arrived. It hurts.

And yes, I know — everyone is fighting their own internal battles. I’m not blind to that. I carry my own, too.

But that doesn’t make the loneliness any less real.

If I’m honest, most days it feels like the only person I can count on is my husband. Even family can feel distant sometimes. I crave those moments when you can call someone just to say, "Guess what happened today!" or "Hey, I was thinking about you!" — without it being a burden or a one-way street. Yet, more often than not, the response is... a text message. Or silence. (Insert crickets sound here...)

Now, I’m not here to put all the blame on others. I own my part in this story, too. Friendships require vulnerability. They require effort. They require showing up, even when it’s scary or awkward or inconvenient. I know I have to keep joining groups, taking risks, and staying open — even when it’s easier to retreat.

This is where the "Unscripted Journey" really comes in.

Living an Unscripted Journey means embracing the fact that friendships may not look the way we thought they would.

It means releasing the old script of what "should" happen and being open to unexpected relationships, even if they don’t come wrapped the way we hoped.

It means finding peace in quality over quantity.
It means accepting seasons of loneliness without shame.
It means keeping our hearts tender — not bitter — even when people let us down.

And it means remembering that friendship with ourselves — and with God — is still a real, powerful kind of connection.

I’ve written before about the importance of finding your Elizabeth — that rare person who truly sees you, believes in you, and encourages the dreams God placed inside you. Those kinds of friendships are rare, but they’re real. And even though it can feel discouraging when it seems like everyone is too busy or too distracted, I remind myself that the journey to finding an Elizabeth isn't about chasing people — it's about staying true to who you are and trusting that the right hearts will recognize you in time. Sometimes we have to walk through seasons of loneliness to make space for those sacred connections.

Maybe, just maybe, the unscripted friendships that do come — the ones that survive the busy schedules, the cliques, the miscommunications — will be deeper and richer than anything we could have planned for ourselves.

And until then, we keep walking. We keep believing. We stay open.

Because genuine connection is worth the journey.

Live Free, Stay Unscripted!